I'm pleased to write that I'm running again. Yesterday I ran 4.05 miles and then today I did 5 miles but it was all speed work (walking, jogging, fast running and sprinting) planned by my friend Stephany. I have a 5k race planned for this Saturday morning that I hope to do as well. I had a couple small walks last week of about a mile each, but no running. I wanted to but just couldn't do it. My heart was hurting and still is.
Last week I didn't run at all because I was sad and grieving my dear little Niece that passed away. Last Sunday on the 24th of July Laila went back to her loving Heavenly Father while taking a nap. She was almost 12 weeks old. I felt a special connection to her because I had the opportunity to hold her when she was just 6 days old and this isn't something I ever get to do with any of my nieces or nephews because I live so far away from all of my family. I think Laila is the only niece that I have held that young. Her parents are amazing and I love them very much. I feel that they have raised their family so well, and I look up to them with great respect.
I was so sad last week and this week that I didn't want to do anything but stay home and in bed. I did manage to get up last Tuesday only because I have children to take care of, and I had 2 Zumba classes last week that I was scheduled to do that I knew that I really shouldn't sub out or cancel. Since I had already cancelled my Body Sculpt class the day before and didn't want to cancel any more classes I did those two classes anyway. Then on Wednesday most of my family traveled to Colorado to see Laila's family and mourn with them.
I'm only sharing this because there are times in each of our lives that we just want to stay in bed, not see anyone, cry, cancel everything in our life etc. These are times when our life can take a turn for the worse and we can then just become sadder, more lonely and distance ourselves from others. Thus only hurting those who are still living around us that love us.
I didn't want to teach Body Sculpt on Monday of this week. It was one of the hardest things to do (go back to teaching with a smile on my face when my heart was so sad and broken). After class I just came home and did next to nothing for an entire day. I think if it wasn't for my wonderful family and my teaching schedule that I might have done nothing for a while. Then Tuesday came again and I had two Zumba classes to teach. I once again smiled when I was hurting and did my classes anyway. Tuesday night I realized that I need to run again and that perhaps might help me heal. I knew running (although not fun at all when doing it) feels amazing when it's over and if you are anything like me, you like to mark down your miles on a chart or in a running log.
So I got up on Wednesday morning (yesterday) and dragged myself to a treadmill at the local community center where I teach. First I just set up equipment for my Body Sculpt class starting in 2 hours and was putting off running by setting up all the equipment super slowly, but I knew deep down I needed to just get started. Eventually I got on the treadmill and started walking which then lead to running. I accomplished 4.05 miles and had tears of joy when I was done. I knew I could run again. Hopefully through running I can heal my pain and feel better. When I run I think about others that are going through trials and I think about ways I can help them. I also think about things I can do better in my life so I can enhance someone else's life and lift their spirit.
Walking, jogging and running have always helped me feel better. I hope that others can find this kind of joy like I am finding in doing things they love as well, and through doing these things their hearts will heal .